VENOM (2018)
10/9/18 - Venom (2018) - 3+/10
Apparently, some people found this “so dumb it was fun”. I, on the other hand, was left sighing and rolling my eyes throughout. I kept waiting for the dumb do die down and for them to capitalize on their budget and talent. Alas, that fairy-tale never came to be, as I sat there and let Venom’s black goo of a feature consume my 2 hours.
Why not make it more of a horror story or a possession tale? It just came off as really generic and trying so hard but accomplishing little. None of it ever made sense, from Brock’s perfect-and-shitty-at-the-same-time life to the machinations of the corporate villain and the nonsensical alien schemes. Usually it was just brain dead; the kind of the plot elements that shrivel your shoulder blades and make them droop down in your seat. It just sucks the life out of the screen and the experience. Maybe if they could have made it funny or embraced the ridiculousness, but no, it plays it straight and to the grave.
I have no idea why you bring in real talent like Michelle Williams and just let her languish on the screen. Riz Ahmed can do great things too (just watch Four Lions, Nightcrawler, or the Night Of series), but he is given nothing to work with here. He has one “biblical” speech that enlivens this morosely stagnant script, but usually his time on screen is vacant and cardboard. Reminded me of Hayden Christensen going from Life as a House to Star Wars and having the poor role just bleach him of his charisma and ability.
Hardy is fine. It is hard to dislike Hardy in just about anything. At least they deemed it necessary to explain his over-the-top accent and mannerisms. Well, kind of. There still isn’t much of an emotional core to this character. I really didn’t have a reason to care before and less of one now.
I also felt it deserved a mention of Reid Scott (best known probably from Veep) and Jenny Slate (Obvious Child, Parks and Rec, Bob’s Burgers, etc) being in the film. The whole time I saw them on screen I kept thinking “Good for them. They deserve this payday.” But I questioned why you have these two mostly comedy actors playing stiff nothing characters. Why not use what they do well? But I could ask “why” with so much of this film… Like:
Why would there be no cameras or more security in the futurish mega-tech company facility? I mean, they are “curing cancer” and frequently sending rockets to space, but they don’t care about security or espionage?
Symbiotes eat organs but repair the body they are feeding on? How does that work? Everything comes from something, so where is the material and energy coming from to do these things, if the host is being consumed as well. Also, if the symbiote could do that, wouldn’t they just eat the liver and then regrow the liver to eat again?
If symbiotes aren’t hurt by bullets, why would they care about fighting cops and guards with guns? Wouldn’t they just walk away through them, the same way you might a swarm of flies?
So, hosts only dies when the plot needs them too? K. Real cool movie. I love it when you live by the rules you make.
I could go on and on, but who really cares. There wasn’t much to the other elements of the film. Really, it is just plain boring. The action set pieces are solid, but just anemic when it comes to invested pleasure. This was a pretty little CGI nothing. All hoped hype sizzle with no substance or real value, which is fairly fitting for a movie about Venom. It was supposed to “look cool” and that would make it cool, I suppose. Well, they faked it and it flopped. Please don’t make another.
P.S. Woody looks like Ronald McDonald in that Cletus wig. Woof. Oh, and the Eminem song reminds me too much of LL Cool J’s “Deepest Bluest (Shark’s Fin)” for Deep Blue Sea. Double Woof.