BAYWATCH (2017)

12/31/17 - Baywatch (2017) - 2+/10

I wish it had been the frivolous over-the-top party its potential and wink/nod embracing promised. Unfortunately, this was a flat, tedious and aggravating slog. The obnoxious plot and blank characters couldn’t even make the non-fat abs and ample bouncing cleavage palatable. It was an oiled and pumped energetic flesh tones menagerie that scraped the bottom of the joke pool and left drama and logic choking on the sand.

Is there sex appeal? I suppose. Is it dumb? As an erection stuck in between wooden boards (yes, that happens). Are there even elements of likability? The Rock and crew have charisma and you keep waiting for their presence to accomplish something. Unfortunately, the style, panache, and willingness to coalesce into a serviceable whole was out-to-sea.

This was a bad film that failed at fun. Those jokes…my time...(and that erection)...ouch.